I have a family member with cancer. Being jobless and available, it makes sense that I'd be the one to provide daytime support and care.
My grandfather, the beloved patriarch of our close Irish Catholic family, has been diagnosed with a brain tumor. He had surgery last week, and came home from the hospital Monday.
I am struck with how closely it resembles infant care. He wakes up, needs to pee, needs to eat, needs to be kept up and somewhat active for some time, and then is settled back into bed, and then I do the other things that need to be done: dishes, laundry, dusting, mopping. And then he wakes up and the cycle starts again.
My days are infused with the mingling scents of Pledge and urine. My thoughts linger on mortality and meaning, on endings, beginnings, and the space between the two.
I take copious notes. I ferret through the rich family history of his house. I look away as I help him pull up his pants. I balance his dignity and his needs. I feel so grateful that I can be of service to him in such a time.
He brought us all into the world, he made my crazy-sweet-beautiful family happen. He is peaceful, sweet, compliant in my hands. I give him the tenderest care that I can: his skin is itchy and dry so I rub the lotion in. He is hungry, and I feed him. He is tired, and I settle him into bed.
It is only fitting that the way we go out of the world is the way we come into it: with our loved ones taking care of our most basic needs. I am honored and humbled to be in the position to provide this care.
This is what life is about: taking care of the people you love. That is the only meaning that makes any sense to me.
This is beautiful Kate. I'm so glad you can be there for your grandfather. My uncle had a benign brain tumor and is now mostly disabled. I feel bad that I can't help my aunt who lives 2 hours away. It's good to hear from you, as always. I apologize in advance for being overly curious, but... did you send the card? (previous post)
Posted by: Lilian | Thursday, March 17, 2011 at 01:37 AM
Aw, this made me tear up. I'm sorry about your grandfather, but he (and you too) is blessed to have family taking care of him during this time. You will never regret it, either.
Posted by: JessPond | Thursday, March 17, 2011 at 09:05 PM
Your writing brings back the weeks I spent with my grandmother between her having a stroke and dying - an intense and hard time, but one also filled with grace and a rightness in being there. 12 years later I still consider it just about the best and most valuable thing I have ever done, and have such a sense of peace about that time. Being able to have that time together and slowly let go, remembering the past, was a final gift to me. To this day it is a source of strength - which isn't to underplay how hard it was to live through.
Posted by: Louise | Monday, March 21, 2011 at 09:04 AM
I'm sorry to hear about your grandfather, hope is doing well. I'm glad that you take care of him, it's very important to be someone who help him in this terrible moments, affection makes him feel better.
Posted by: Eye care solutions | Tuesday, March 22, 2011 at 09:48 AM
I used to take care of my grandfather when I was a kid. He was 73 and I was 12. He had cancer and I would go with him on the bus to his treatments. I sure miss him. I am 34 today and cherish those times together no matter how hard they were. I feel for you. You are a special person.
Posted by: ionic foot spa | Sunday, March 27, 2011 at 11:39 PM
What a beautiful and moving post. Thank you.
Posted by: Denise Emanuel Clemen | Monday, March 28, 2011 at 11:13 AM
Mmm, grandfathers.
A week before my late Grandfather's birthday -- our second without him -- we found out my husband's grandfather has cancer. So, yes, this post hit in places that are still raw right now.
Thinking of you and yours.
Posted by: Jenna | Thursday, March 31, 2011 at 11:06 PM
so sad my dear.. have strength. pray and pray.. is the answer.
Posted by: online jobs | Monday, September 05, 2011 at 01:43 PM