Blog Fatigue

It will come as no surprise to any of you that I am experiencing some blog fatigue right now. It's a combination of many things: I feel like I've exhausted my usual topics, I don't want to bore you with the mundane details of my life, joint custody has opened up another world, a world that is, for the most part, not bloggable, at least not here.

I feel like I've outgrown Wet Feet to a certain extent.  The tentative toe in the water attitude I had when I began this blog is long gone. I've written about all the things I had a driving need to say back when I had three posts up and a readership of two. Writing about adoption, I feel like I'm repeating myself, and writing about breastfeeding, well, more on that later.

I've changed just about as much as a person can change in this last year, and this blog has not relected those changes except that it's become neglected, the vestiges of my old self.

At the same time, I love blogging and I want to continue. I like being a part of the blogging world, and I like having a website I can direct people to if they want to know me better. I like getting books to promote and I like meeting other people who like to blog. So, in the end, I"m not going anywhere.

I"m more than just a mommy now. I was before, of course, and so it everyone who is a mom, even when they are in the thick of mommy business and mommy identity. But now there are people I know who have never met my kids. There are nights when I sleep for twelve hours straight, there are days when no one's needs press upon me except my own. But I don't write about mothering much because I don't think about mothering much. I do what I do because it works when I do it.

I really thought I'd do more blogging, hell, more writing, about the transition from wife to single mom. And it's been one hell of a transition, one that has struck me nearly wordless. I feel more like myself at 18 than myself at 25. Like my married life was an interlude, and now I"m jsut picking up the threads where I left them ten years ago. Some have called this post-divorce season a second adolescence. What I know is that it's putting my in touch with parts of msyelf that I thought were long dead. I thought my life, the fun part, was over. I thought it would be frustration and compromise from here on out. To quote Livia Soprano, "It's all a big NOTHING".

With the perspecitve gained from being on the outside, I can see the absurdity of a talented woman in her 20's thinking that her life is over.

The question before me is, where do I want to go, now that I am more in touch with who I am and what my abilities are? Do I finish that book proposal that's been languishing since Christmas? And what, exactly, am I proposing? 

I can see the nakedness of my fears unclothed from excuses and molds. I can see my life as I want it, within my reach. I can see that all the things I thought were in my way were placed there by me, and if I want, I could remove them. I have realized that the thing I'm most afraid of is having the ultimate responsibility for my own life.

My blog is a window, an outlet, a channel, my little bit of visibility in the writing world. I'm not letting it go. But what it will become is much different than it was when it began. Changes are a-comin'. Time will tell what those changes will be.

At the moment, I'm open to questions. All three of you who are still reading and have made it to the end of this meandering post, what do you want to hear about from me?

Comments

[Nancy]

Glad you're still blogging. What would I want to hear about? Well, anything. I'm patient though, no rush. The transition from marriage to single mom and shared custody would be interesting, but I totally understand that you wouldn't want to talk about it in the total wide open, if at all (can typepad do password protect posts?). Would love to hear more about your kids and how they're doing.

You sound like you're doing well, if quiet, and that's good.

[anon]

I am a long time lurker and have been reading your blog since before your youngest was born.
We have 2 kids about the same ages but I have boys. Iwould love to hear about marriage to single momdom and custody agreements. I am kinds considering that route myself and I am a little scared about it all.

good luck

[Jennifer]

HaHa...write about anything. Those of us who come back often are going to read what you write because you have a gift for it; not solely for the subject matter.

Who says mothering is mundane? Some of the funniest moments have come about from something my daughter has done. It would be a shame not to write about them!

[fishtail]

I'm definately interested in your transition and future thoughts, but I know there are ebbs and flows to blogs. Take care.

[Jody]

Do you think the steady stream of hits I continue to get from your "let's show 'em breastfeeding" photo roundup comes from people with good intentions, or creepy ones? (Not that I care, exactly, but it keeps happening and I keep thinking about it.)

[Aurelia]

Anything you write, I'll read. I'd love to hear about this new you, and really any part of your life.

[Andrea]

I totally understand the grown-out-of-mommyblogging business. I can't wait to see what Wet Feet becomes after you reinvent it. I'm sure it will be great.

[Elizabeth]

What Aurelia and Andrea said.

[Lilian]

Wow, what a post...

I especially like this: "I have realized that the thing I'm most afraid of is having the ultimate responsibility for my own life."

I guess many of us do too, I know I do.

All right...
What are some of the aspects of you that your reconnecting with now? Are these related to your personality, with your dreams, your goals in life?

Hmmm, let's see what else. Is this whole transition, transformation, this process, influencing/ interfering in you deal with being a birth mother or not?
(I guess the fact that you did the podcast already points us out in the direction of an answer, but maybe there's more to explore)

Do you think about that "commune" idea?

As for "advice" (I hate advice, I promise I do) or my personal opinion -- I really think that you should write that book, it's sorely needed and you have the right tools (your powerful writing) to do it.

P.S. what Jody wrote also happens to me, but doesn't really bug me that much anymore...

[Casey]

I would like you to post your Grand Plan, so that I may copy off of you.

Thanks for your assistance.