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Monday, April 16, 2007

Comments

Lilian

Thanks for writing about this too. The points you raise are extremely important!

I've already read Dawn's post and some of her links, as well as Kim.kim's call for the blog blitz. I will also try to post about it.

Melissa b.

Thank you for pointing this out. Just, thank you.

I parented my son when I got pregnant at 17 and then again at 19.

And amen, I grew up because this little boy encouraged me too but how FUN it was to enjoy my youth with his. They are 12 and 11 now...and I'm an advanced-degree holding parenting teenage mama.

Support is necessary for all moms, why do some assume they wouldn't need it too? Thank you!

kim.kim

Lillian, my life coach says try is a terrible word. Don't try to post about this, please DO post about this.

I put the link up for the petition on my blog, we need 600 signatures. We need your help. Are you with us?

kim.kim

The mom bloggers are needed, they have the biggest audience.

Please help here, we need your voices.

Thank you Kateri, you are fabulous as always.

maura

Hello! I'm posting at different blogs because I'm trying to understand this story and it's really difficult to sort out the facts. To be fair, Stephanie *did* have help and *was* continuing her education - she was going to high school and her mom was taking care of the baby (and her, it seems... Judy said on the radio show that she woke up early every day to get Stephanie and her sister off to school). Despite this, it seems like Stephanie wasn't too happy with her situation, which brings me to my questions - what makes this story tough to sort out is that all of the timelines and articles and blog entries I've read tend to conflate Stephanie and her parents into this big "Bennett Family", which is a real and important thing in reality, but which *legally* doesn't help me understand how things have proceeded, since a baby can only legally "belong" to one person or couple at a time. So when the parents got a custody order, for example, I'm *guessing* (I certainly don't know) that they would have had to allege that stephanie was an unfit parent somehow. Does anyone know if that happened? It's clear that the *parents* were against relinquishment from day one, but I can't tell, again, when *stephanie*, who is the only one whose opinion matters here (since she's the one who had custody to relinquish in the first place) changed her mind or, if you believe she never wanted the adoption, TOLD THE COURT that she had changed her mind. Does anyone know?
thanks,
maura

amy

"What is Stephanie's crime, what makes her unworthy of motherhood? Her age."

maybe not her age, but maybe her actions.

Wasabi

Hmm I'm glad maura stepped up to confess to being conflicted about this one because I am too. I'm not seeing the cut and dry here. In fact I'm seeing a slippery slope in the opposite way that I'd like things to go. Her parents have no say. I get that they love Evelyn. I do. Really I do. I can't imagine the pain and fear when both their daughter and granddaughter disappeared and they had no idea where they were and what had happened to them. I don't even want to imagine. But at the end of the day that was her choice to make. She is allowed to make legal deicisons for her child. They are not legally her parents any more because she is now a parent. I'm afraid of the argument that the grandparents are making here that Stephanie shouldn't be allowed to make these choices for herself. Of course she should! Coercion is wrong whether it's coercion to keep the baby or coercion to place the baby for adoption. It is not their baby and it is not their choice.

I'm disturbed by the lack of affect described in the favorable toward "the Bennett family" article initially linked. She says she has a different outlook because of "people" and they go on to note that her family and friends thought it was a bad decision. No teenager should be pressured to give up their baby and no teenager should be pressured to keep their baby. Both are equally wrong.

Now there seems to be some fishy stuff that happened here that should be considered. No id for the baby. No proof that the father was who she says it was which apparently was not true so presumably the father has not surrendered his rights. But I'm not seeing this underlying injustice nor that she's unfit because she's young. I'm seeing that she tried it out for four months with what seems like a lot of support and decided it wasn't the right choice for her. Her parents are the ones putting on the pressure for her to keep the baby and they don't matter in this equation. Yeah I'm going to have to read more about this.

Wasabi

Sorry to blather on so much but I was just feeling such a disconnect between what you wrote and what I was reading about in the links.

Wasabi

And see after reading the story at Kim's "call to action" I'm even more confused.

"To date, the Bennetts remain separated from their daughter and granddaughter and are fighting in court for the return of baby Evelyn."

This combined with the fact that it's the grandmother who's doing all the interviews and publicity for this case just makes me feel like they want to adopt the child. Which maybe they should be but I'm not seeing that the _mother_ truly wants her child back and was coerced into giving up her child. I'm seeing grandparents who did not want the child to be given up. I think the mother has the right to say she doesn't want the child given to her parents. My parents offered to adopt my son and raise him as their own. I was not at all interested in that. I can't tell you how frightening I find it that this case seems to seek to make it possible for them to adopt my child without my permission.

bridget

awesome, powerful post.

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