The Day Itself: not so bad

Yesterday I borrowed my brother's car and headed oceanward, where Barb and I saw the dying sun over the water, and we talked like only two birthmothers can talk.

It felt good just to be there, the the company of a person who requires nothing from me in the way of pretense, explanation, or defense. I was free to talk, or to not talk. I was free to cry, or not cry.

I say a silent prayer of gratitude for the internet, because without it I never would have met Barb, or read this post of Jayne's, or recieved any of your comments and thoughts when I most needed to hear them. So, thanks, internets. This birthday would have been much worse without you.

In preparation for my trip to Barb's I went through my picutres from when E was born (and damned if I could find a single one without me smiling like a Koolaid drinking fool). I tried taking picutres of them, because I don't have a scanner and I wanted to post some. They turned out too blurry to post. But! Barb has a scanner! And she scanned in these two.

The first one, obviously, is from when she was just born. The second one is right before we left the hospital, literally our last moment as mother and daughter. The anniversary of that day is tomorrow.

Today I retured to narcoleptic land, this time I didn't try to fight it and the girls and I spent the day watching PowerPuff girls on repeat in the TV room. I dozed on and off, only getting up to attend the most basic needs.

Tomorrow is back to normal.

Comments

[Moxie]

Oh, shit, Kate.

I wish.

[Deirdre]

Thank you for sharing this. I know it's raw and basic, but it's something so powerful that I never considered much before.

*hugs*

[Meira]

Those pictures are heart wrenching. Thank you for sharing them.

I wish, too. I don't know what the hell for exactly, but I'm wishing so much for . . . something.

I'm glad you found Barb, and that it was a safe place to spend the day.

[cloudscome]

Those pictures are priceless and heartbreaking. So glad you had Barb to visit.

[Lilian]

The internet is truly a gift -- Jayne's post is very moving. Good thing you were able to go see Barb. Those photos are unbelievably heartbreaking, thank you so much for sharing.

[Wasabi]

I'm glad you were able to be with Barb and that you were able to be kind to yourself and rest today. Thinking of you.

[barb]

mi zen den, su zen den. anytime, sister, anytime.

[Menita]

I am so sorry, Kate.