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Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Comments

Emmie (Better Make It A Double)

My twin boys are totally different, though parented more or less the same, but in some ways I feel like I lumped the whole first child/second child experience into one really intense jumble. N is still quite clingy at almost 18 months, and O is quite happy to go off without me if it involves nice people and new things to play with. I think the intensity of having twins led me away from my earlier AP ideas to find my own middle ground, though I realize this is different for everyone. I think your perspective makes a lot of sense, though, and that you're doing great by each kid. They're different kids, you're a different person a couple of years later - you can't always tease out what's what. IMHO, it just goes to show that there's more than one way to be a good mother.

cloudscome

Oh yeah, secure the oxygen for sure. Interesting discussion. I'd love to come to one of those parties, but I am afraid to leave my boys.... nah, just kidding, I could do it!

Moxie

I'm the one who referred to her two boys as "these two assholes" today (they couldn't hear me, and they're 4.5 and 16 months, so come on--they're assholes).

But yeah. El C still loves me best. From the very beginning El P has loved his Daddy more, even though we had a much easier start and I was crazy in love with him much earlier than I had been with El C. When El P was a few weeks old I thought he was developing GERD because he'd cry all day. But he'd stop crying in the evening and on weekends. Finally I just figured out that he wanted to be with his dad. And he still does. My husband blogged about how I can't even get El P to sleep at night anymore (since 11-12 months) here:
http://laidoffdad.typepad.com/lod/2006/08/somnambular_ret_1.html
(Extra-big kisses to the commenters there who've clearly never read either of us before and assumed we needed to be told that teaching your child to put himself to sleep would help us out. Uh, thanks.)

Geez, I'm long-winded. I just meant to say "What DoctorMama said." and leave it at that.

Sarah

It is reassuring to read about anyone else's children and baby-rearing (unless they lie and say it was always great, then it is not so helpful). I felt compltetly overwhelmed when my daughter was born 5 years ago. I felt house bound and weighed down. She was fussy. She was clingy until she learned to walk and sprinted away. I remember just being frustrated all the time. And although I hit many of the AP highlights, those weren't my goals. Breastfeeding was the only thing I felt confident I could do right for her. She is still a bit high strung and we can still frustrate each other. It was mazing to see how my son, now 2.5, was so different. He was quiet and easy and much better at entertaining himself or even being entertained by me. I mostly think they have a temperment difference--because I remember being shocked when he would sleep at 1 mo--I was so prepared for another inconsolable baby.

Your question: "How does my attitude effect the baby's reaction?" has bothered me over the years. If I had been calmer, would my daughter been easier? And of course, I don't really know. But it meakes me feel better that someone else is contemplating the question.

Casey

I think about this all the time. PPD hit me really hard following Ivy's birth. I can't believe that my constant crying and worrying didn't affect her in some way. She's a pretty fearful kid these days. I'd like to think it's just her nature, but I have this dreadful feeling that it's a learned behavior and that I'm the one who taught her.

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