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Tuesday, September 26, 2006



That's funny. I'm one of those women who does believe it's all about what comes after..the child and the marriage. How my wedding went was not that important to me as long as I got to marry C, and the only reason I made a birth plan for #3 was to increase my chances of breastfeeding successfully (so really it was an "after-birth" plan - no bottles, etc. the entire thing was centered around BFing).

But that's just me.


I have to say it's the marriage and the baby for me too. Fish sticks sound great! Although I'd want a discount...


Added: I don't mean to glibly denigrate that you had a wonderful birth with Miriam! Glad it went well, it sounds like it was a meaningful and life-changing experience.


Kateri... I knew you and I would agree on this topic before I ever wrote my post. I wish, once again, that you didn't live so damn far away.

Thank you so much for writing this.


I think we can't discount the fact that how your birth goes has a big effect on how your first few months of mothering go. You feel shitty about the way you were treated during your birth, and you're already set up for major PPD and feelings of inadequacy.

That doesn't mean that everyone has to have a low-intervention birth to feel good abotu mothering. But it does mean that you're going to feel more empowered if you're treated with respect during the process and trust your providers.

I wrote this about having a "good birth" a few months ago:


Awesome post. Did you see Manuela's latest post? That doctor seems to be truly evil!


We had a big cookout for our reception and the funny thing is-because it was so different from the typical reception our friends still talk about it 8 years later.

Since I've never made it to delivery I can't relate too well.
DD (4.5) was born in China.
At the moment (8 weeks pg) I'd take a heart rate of 120 as opposed to the dismal 88bpm seen on the 2nd ultrasound. This is my third go round (two prior mc.)

I am in awe of anyone who makes it through 9 months, let alone someone who has gone through it 3 times.

Kateri-I've enjoyed reading your blog the past few months though I feel bad you have had so much to deal with the past year.

Not a day goes by that I don't look at dd and my heart aches for her birth mother who will never see how radiant she is.

I want to raise her in a way that honors her birthmom.

Thank you for letting me in on your experience a little through this blog.


Thank you. Despite feeling the need to repeat my birth stories over and over again, as if to some how make sense of them or make others understand just how incredible a feeling it is, I have never been able to articulate what you just have. Though I did feel proud after the birth of my son ( I made it through 20+ hours of active labor and especially that I only had to push for five minutes) I felt entirely robbed. I had dreamed of a homebirth, and I truly think that I imagined what it would be like to have my husband holding me while I gave birth to our child more than I dreamed of what my wedding day would be like. By the time Griffith was born, even the most basic parts of my dream birth scenario had been stripped away. About half way through the pregnancy, we found I had kidney dysfunction and bloodtype issues that made it not so much a good idea to deliver at home. I started looking for a birth center, but as we moved at the end of the pregnancy, I ended up having to go with the nearest hospital my insurance would take care of. It was a nice hospital, but hospital all the same. Also, 8 weeks before he was born, we were informed that my military husband, notscheduled to leave until a month after my due date, would be leave in a couple of weeks. I spent the time up to delivery in sort of a daze. I knew what I wanted, even at the hospital, but felt like I didn't have the right to ask or seek alternatives. I received mag sulfate for over stimulated uterus and then pitocin when my contractions softened too much. the nurse i had was lovely and compassionate, but was following hospital protocal, of making sure labor didn't last too long afte the sac ruptured and that I couldn't eat ( despite exhausted) could no longer get in the whirlpool. I was happpy to have a healthy little boy, after all that back labor born sunny side up, but I cried alone in my hospital room, then at home, for days; even my most basic wishes ( having my hubby there) had been taken away.
When we decided to get pregnant this time around, we did so when he was on leave from the middle east, knowing that he would HAVE to be home by the time the baby was born. He came home half way through the pregnancy, and I was preparing preparin preparing, but figuring that I shouldn't get my hopes up for any special delivery.Again, thank you military, we moved at the end of the pregnancy, this time only an hour away though I still could not stay with my loving american doctor. I transfered to a local german ob ( we live in Germany...) and was really pleased with the atmosphere of the office, and the German outlook on birth. Accupuncture was offered as a regular part of the practice, during certain times of the pregnancy, there was tea in the waiting room, the office was painted beautifully, in reds and oranges, murals, etc. and there were beautifully decorated plaster belly casts. Though my dr.s bedside manner left something to be desired. In the German hospitals you are cared for by a midwife. After my water broke, Birgit, was the only one I had contact with , until a dr. came intp the delivery suite to officiate. Instead of pitocin, they allowed me to take a walk when I asked- good thing, as just about that time contractions started and I ended up going from 3 cm to 7 cm in 25 minutes, all by myself. I was going to be allowed to have a water birth, but in the end, we couldn't get the tub filled in time. I was never asked if I wanted drugs, but instead, this wise woman knew, without even checking me, just how fast my labor was moving, and called my husband who hadgone to settle our son in elsewhere. We did have to move to a delivery room, though vastly different thatn American type. There was something like a bed in the middle of the room; looking like to big cirlces smashed together, with a rope over head, and stool off the side for squatting. The best part was, that my husband got there just in time, and was actually on the bed type thing with me( oh, and everything in the room was bright pink, strange but better than hospital drab) right there to hold on to. My midwife encouraged everything I was doing for myself, instead of getting uncomfortable and offering medical help. When my daughter was born ( again after only a few pushes :o) ) she was immediately handed to use where we cuddled her between us on the bed, waited for the cord to stop pulsating, and allowed her to nurse straightaway. She wasn't taken from us for weighing and such for over an hour; they knwe she was warm next to mama's skin, and she nursed so much easier than my son did-getting the chance righ off. After tha, in the family room, where we had a double bed, breakfast nook, changing table, dresser of baby clothes, and a pram for walks around the hospital grounds, she was never taken out of the room for us but for a short perios to have her blood tested for RH. It was then I realized truly how much was robbed from me the first time around. I felt great immediately, after the episiotomy and trearing with my son, I had been absolutely miserable, and had no idea that it didn't have to feel that way. I have thought of becoming a doula, after all of this, i feel like the best thing I could do for other Mommies is give them the power to speak up for waht they want. I agree, my wedding day was special, but the births of our children, not just for me, but our marriage as well, were much more monumental, and in general, given much less attention by family and such.
p.s. sorry this is so long, just hit on something so important to me


I loved your story, Heather, thanks for sharing!


I know it's sad, but it's a truth that some people don't get to have the big wedding. I and others like me had the c-section, then the baby was whisked away to be operated on. I didn't get to even touch her for 4 days. Today she's a healthy 19 month old, and I'm 5 months pregnant. I'll take a healthy kid over the exact birth I wanted any day. Some of us don't have the luxury. It's just the truth.

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