Shifting Priorities

Every year, usually in the summer, I run a constant list of pros and cons to living in the city. Summer, because that's when the streets bake and the garbage stinks and the noise of construction makes open windows unendurable. I long for fresh breezes and cool grass. I want to hear birds, not jackhammers.

Then the weather turns colder and I'm glad I don't have to dig a car out of a snowdrift and worry about road conditions. I have no idea how much gas costs.

I want to grow vegetables. I want Naomi and Miriam to have their own little backyard world to make mud pies and play in a sprinkler and build a clubhouse. I want to join a swim club that won't bend me over with fees (while plying me with free drinks) and expect me to be as well-connected as the Bushes.

I am less enamoured of my urban lifestyle these days. I started noticing how much time I spend in retail stores. I shop when I'm bored, when I need to put Naomi down for a nap in the stroller, when I'm stressed out after a long day. Within blocks of my house are two huge bookstores, every variety of the gap (including maternity and outlet), the Children's Place, two H&M's, and dozens more. There is a long list of things that I covet. Even though I know many of these things I covet are made by foriegn hands not much bigger than Naomi's, I buy them and wear them, proud of the bargain I got.

I buy more than I need because I can't pass up a bargain. Sure, last week at the gap I got three shirts and reversible skirt (like two skirts in one!) for less than $40, but it was three more shirts than I needed, and $40 I really couldn't afford to spend.

I might take better care of what I already have if I didn't have ready access to cheap replacements. I wear something once and it goes to the basement for laundering, and I may not see it again for a month. My consumption appalls me. I am firmly entrenched in the orbit of the huge retail chains.

Where I plan to move, there is a walkable downtown with plenty of crap to want. But the purveyors of that crap are small businesses instead of retail giants. Independant coffeehouses, used books and cd stores, independant knitting and craft stores. It is a place much more in line with the values I'd like to raise my girls by. I love to fantasize about getting a building with retail space and opening a crunchy mommy store with non-plastic sippy cups, slings, diapers, books, lactation services, discussion groups, and free coffee all day long. But in reality I'll probably end up with something like this*.

* that's a real estate listing for a duplex, the link probably won't work for long.

Comments

[M. (An Elephant's Gestation)]

Your fantasy store sounds great. Put me on your list when you open up!

[Casey]

Oh my holy goodness. It's like we're living parallel lives. This past weekend we drove through the Kentucky countryside, and I have been thinking these same things ever since. My dream, though, is to run a co-op vineyard-winery-b'n'b with a few close friends. Joe thinks it's a dumb hippy dream, and I suppose he would rather we continue living our stupid city lives. Meh. I am so disgusted with my life right now.

[Aria]

I'm now living the country life, well the suburb life. It's better in some ways, not better in others. The climate here is much more harsh, over 100 all summer, very cold in winter. In SF, it was gorgeous all the time. Our backyard has a pool and hot tub, but no grass. I've tilled up a strip on the side of the house where the woodpile and AC live to put in zuchinni and pumpkins and butternuts. Everything else is in pots. Or in the planter over the pool, which is almost inaccessible now LOL, the tomatos are overgrowing the ledge. The house is bigger, Sarah has her own room. We can afford to live here. People are as backwards as I'd dreaded and as forward thinking as city folk. Not the same people of course.

Good luck in your decision making.

If you do open a store, I know someone who has a sling company, ehem.

:)

[Emily]

Hello!

I used to live in London and we moved out as soon as I got pregnant, back to the UK south coast where I was born. I loved being near the sea when I was young and it has the added bonus of being free to access and exciting and different all-year round.

I am about 2 mins walk from the town's high street which is full of independent shops and I try to buy meat, fruit and veg there rather than the huge supermarket.

I think I go into the main city (10 mins away) about twice a month.

Before kids I was on a very well-paid job. I'd buy whatever I wanted whenever. Sometimes I didn't evne wear what I purchased. We used to throw away mountains of uneated food.

These days we are a lot less better off. I don't often buy stuff for myself and if I do I really think about whether I need it. I don't actually think it's made a significant different to my life! Weirdly, I sort of get off on the frugalness. It's almost a relief not to have to buy the latest stuff.

Take this week for example. My laptop blew up. We moved the imac downstairs and I've been using that for work. My husband was happy to buy a replacement laptop for me as he knows how much I liked the freedom of being able to use it whereever. But now I just think I'll make do with the one computer. It feels wrong to buy another when we have one already.

I can't tell you what a difference in me since children. I've turned from Imelda Marcos-style spending to scrooge!

[Deirdre]

There is a brick-and-mortar store similar to what you're describing (not so very) near here. The owner also has an online store so it's quite convenient. I can't go into a normal store now without wishing it had what I *really* want.

[Andrea]

You're moving? You're looking at D-books?

*blinking*

It sounds like you're feeling positively about all the changes in your life, so I'll refrain from offering much sympathy--but I will say that I'm thinking of you and I hope you weather all of the changes with grace and composure.