"Are you worried about being on your own again with two kids? I don't want this to sound patronising, I'm just wondering how you are feeling about future changes. Not that I know you. Ok, I'm not so good at asking question of someone who's blog I read."
This is the million dollar question, isn't it? Or, the $xxx,xxx question.
I don't even know where to begin. What's before me is a logisitical puzzle: how to get us from being a four person household in the city with x amount of income, to being a three person household in Walkable Suburb In Family Bosom on a whole lost less income. Without borrowing any money (being such stellar loan candidates). And we have to do this while causing as little future therapy as possible.
So, yes, I'm worried. But the more time goes on, the more sure I am that this is the right thing to do. I know there is an answer to this puzzle and to find it I have be creative.
There are three major things my future hinges on right now:
1. Selling the house. Then that becomes My Money. I'd like to find a buyer privately so I don't have to go through the expense and hassle of putting this major fixer on the market. I have a number in mind that would be enough for me and a good deal for a buyer.
2. Buying a duplex. The other half would be rented out to (guess!) another mother. This person should be someone whose parenting I respect, but who I don't have baggage with. Have you ever tried to do business with someone and your baggage is getting in the way? It's not fun. No, I don't have any particualr person in mind.
3. Anti-consumerist values. Moving away from the plastic and disposable lifestyle will save lots of money in the long run. Caring about who gets my money will make me spend a lot less of it. This means no more excessive retail therapy. Shopping is now a spectator sport.
Once everyone gets settled, I'm going to get through nursing school as quickly as possible, which will provide adequate income over the years and handy skills in the event of an apocalypse.
So, that's my plan. Yes, I'm worried. But I'm also hopeful in a way I can't ever remember being before.
Good luck! My mother busted her a-- to go through nursing school as a single mother. It was absolutely the best thing she could have done for us. In the future, I see you as an RN/IBLC charging $100/hour.
Posted by: Deirdre | Friday, July 14, 2006 at 04:34 PM
You seem to have a good handle on what you want. Collingswood, is not far from my house at all, and you can bet money on the fact that I'll be there hangin out with you and the girls all the time. You know you can call on me for whatever u need, even if it's just for a mental health day, or a night out just me and you. I love ya Kate. Gimmie a call about when you wanna go look at places.
Posted by: Ann ( Your loving cousin) | Friday, July 14, 2006 at 04:45 PM
AWWW! Ann! My little cousin, leaving a comment and everything! Thanks, girl!
Posted by: Kateri | Friday, July 14, 2006 at 04:56 PM
Wow Kateri. Congratulations on really thinking this through. I have a tendency to ignore things that seem overwhelming.
When the girls get older- my best friend has a custody arrangement where they alternate weeks. No one pays child support. They eat as a family every Friday night and catch the incoming parent up on the obligations of the week. I have really admired how well it has worked for them, and how it served their daughter well. That's all for my assvice. You sound like you have everything under control.
Posted by: Lisa V | Friday, July 14, 2006 at 08:16 PM
Lisa, that custody arrangement seems ideal to me. It's what I'm hoping to end up with.
Posted by: Kateri | Friday, July 14, 2006 at 10:25 PM
Wait, catch me up. Josh is in on the d-i-v-o-r-c-e plan?
Posted by: goodsandwich | Saturday, July 15, 2006 at 02:52 AM
Yes, Josh is in on it. He cycles between being in utter disbelief that I would actually leave him, angry at my nerve, and dismissive of my plans. He said, totally without irony "Well, I think most of your ideas are bad ideas". Oh, and he's trying to date already. Watch out, women!!
Posted by: Kateri | Saturday, July 15, 2006 at 08:31 AM
Ex-Husband didn't believe i was going to leave him, either. and when i did, and he had a meltdown, all i could say was "why are you surprised? i've been telling you this for months".
I need to go visit the Colls again. i haven't been in about 2 years.
Posted by: barb | Saturday, July 15, 2006 at 08:49 AM
kateri,
i so do need to visit with you. (lets meet in dutch wonderland). on one hand i'm so nervous for you - this is such a big step. on the other hand, i'm so proud of you - you and the girls will be much happier in the long run.
i'm a few hours away but i'll do whatever you need.
Posted by: Cari | Saturday, July 15, 2006 at 10:38 AM
((Kateri)) It sounds like you have some good ideas and plans. It's all about how you see things, opportunities. You can do it. Many women have.
Posted by: HeatherRainbow | Saturday, July 15, 2006 at 11:11 PM