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Tuesday, May 30, 2006



Shit, Kateri. You just wrote the crucial insight of mothering in the most concise language possible. It's like a laser beam to the gut.

Do you mind if I link this from Ask Moxie?


Yes, excellent post - and Moxie knows about these things. (that's why I still think we should write that book :)

It's pretty amazing how we get more flexible after we have the second child! It's pretty similar with us here (I didn't use a bottle for Linton, but I gave him a pacifier instead :)


Thank you for posting this. I think you've pinpointed exactly what we all learn when our second child is born.


Yes, exactly. I always feel very nervous about making a crucial error so I tend to be so rigid about everything. I'm slowly learning to be more relaxed, but it's been a rough ride for sure.


I don't even have a second child yet and I can already see where I will be much less rigid with #2 (and from here on out with #1, I hope!). I was much like you and still have not left my 1-yo for more than 2 hours (and that was to teach a class - actually once it was 4 hours, but that was just once!). A recent post at Ask Moxie has made me start thinking about why I am so afraid to leave her for a little longer or with anyone other than her dad. I'm not sorry that I have done things the way I have, though. Funny how I can sort of plan to do things a little differently with #2 when I am also not too critical of how I have done things with #1 - I think things had to be a little more rigid because in some ways I was going against the grain, and there *are* slippery slopes. I needed the rigidity for myself, not for my baby, to feel confident in the way I have chosen to parent, to keep myself from being too easily swayed by suggestions from others that I was holding her too much, etc. So I was 'rigid' (that doesn't seem like the right word, though), and she has done fine, and blossomed, and I now realize she would still have done so even if I had relaxed a little bit! But I still do not think that I held her too much...she doesn't want to be held much anymore and I miss it!


I was a nanny for years before Sarah came along, so I felt like I knew what I was doing vis a vis the actual caretaking stuff. The emotional and psychological stuff has thrown me for a loop though! I'm trying to grow into the parent I want to be and I just know that any future children will throw me for their own loops as well.


Sent by Moxie - great post! Thanks for letting us have a look!


Sent here via Moxie. I am still struggling to relax with #1, who is likely an only child. So, I'm trying to learn the lessons of motherhood the second time around without actually having that experience. It's tough.


I came here from Ask Moxie too. As the mother of an only child, your post made a lot of sense to me. It's so unknown, what to expect or do, and the consequences are staggering. Thank you for posting that.


Oh myes. This is such a great post. I realized only the other day that I have never been able to enjoy my daughter because my adoration of her is always tinged with anxiety over all the things I may be doing wrong. Yet I await her little brother in a far more relaxed frame of mind. Thank you for showing me why.

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