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Sunday, January 08, 2006



Maybe it's the pregnancy hormones but this post nearly has me in tears. I consider myself an adoptive mother, even though my adoption failed after waiting for 2 1/2 years. I hope to someday adopt. I have read plenty about the issues. And yet I still want it to be easy. I still don't want all parties to hurt so much. I'm sorry that you have been hurt so much.

Beanie Baby


Phantom Scribbler

You know I'm lurking here, too, Kateri. I wish I knew what to say. I'm sorry, so sorry.


I'm an adoptee-- I've been reading your blog for a while, but only lurking till now. This was a beautiful post. So sorry for what you're going through.


There are adoptive mothers out here who would like birthmothers not to feel this emptiness. I'm sorry. I wish I could help. Your posts are so heartfelt.


I'm sorry, Kateri. My prayers and thoughts are with you.


I wish it were different for you.


Sorry I missed this.

Happy Birth Day.

I hope you were able to do something special for yourself.

I was much the same early on- thinking I'd be able to go on to do all the things I still needed to do. Sending her home with them from the hospital because I knew that if I took her home, I'd never place.

My SW tried to warn me- she was one of the good ones. I resisted every suggestion and every word of caution. I, too, thought I was different.

I am more peaceful about my decision, but still reading your post, I had to evaluate. I ended up losing my job. My romantic relationships are a mess (after all, who wants to date a birthmother? who even knows how to date a birthmother?). Although I had just started my Master's when I found myself pregnant, I haven't been back to school since. I no longer live in my own place with the freedom to be who I am.

Adoption didn't save me.

Anyway, wonderful post. You really made me think.


I was just thinking to myself -- why didn't I comment? And then I remembered I was in Brazil last year, without an internet connection, most probably (though I did read the post later).

I think whenever you have the time to think and write about it, you should pick up this topic you just suggested in a parenthesis again:

"That is a post by itself. It is not an uncommon sentiment in my post-feminist generation; motherhood is the End of Everything. People are very quick to remind you of evertthing to be lost when you become a mother, from your girlish figure to your intellignce and personality."

This is really something that needs to be discussed. That and the firm belief that young people are not fit to be parents. I was just reading several of Jenna's posts in that adoption something site (after Dawn met her and linked to her in her blog) and what she wrote about the feelings she had when her son was born -- that she definitely could have handled a baby, that a baby doesn't need that much, just love and care, etc...

I only now watched Whale Rider and I know that Keisha Castle-Hughes is pregnant -- I went online to find out more about it and it's incredible how people think it's "the end of the world" when people that young are pregnant and about to have babies. No wonder there's so much pressure for young moms to give them up for adoption. (and there's Allison Crews essay too).

Well, sorry for the huge comment, but I'd love for you to pick that topic up, if not here, you know where.

cindy psbm

Just wanted to say hi. I am going to start reading your blog.

You sound really cool.

I am birthmother. I too thought through the plan of placing my birthson.
All of my friends and even family advised me against it but I too was determined to do it because the thought of giving my birthson a life that was any less than ideal was not acceptable to me.
I really am scared that in the future what happened to you will happen to me, that the adoptive parents will cut me off.
I really wonder why it happens.
Is it a decision that comes from both sides, or just because the emotions are to uncomfortable.
It's really bad for people to let emotions get in the way. People should let emotions guide them and challange them to be understanding...

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