Like a volcano in my brain

Warning: what I am going to say is MEAN.

Sigh.

I'm very bothered by the picture of adoption painted in this post of Tertia's.

On the other side of that "meant to be" what is there? Nothing. A nobody. No thought, not even an inkling of braincell activity in her direction. Nothing to the woman who gave this child life. Why? Is she not worth mentioning? Is she garbage?

So a baby comes from, where, a stork? And lands at an adoption agency, where some suffering infertile gets the call that makes her life complete? And what happens to that other life, the one which was not worth mentioning? Too bad she wasn't valuable enough to be included in this beautiful connectedness.

Some comments:

I've read this 3 times before commenting. The emotions are almost too much to handle, but so glad that the story has such a wonderful ending - for EVERYONE involved!

Yes. Everyone.

I love "things working out for the best" stories.
They keep me clinging to this idea that there is order in the universe...

A orderly universe that involves broken familes and desperate women in crisis? Nice.

Wow...Amazing...Don't even know what to say. I am so happy everyone involved got their happy ending.

Uh huh. Everyone.

That's what is so great about being human, I think is being able to experience such rich emotions...

And simultaneously ignore so much pain! Yes, we humans really are something special.

Comments

[Tertia]

Please help me understand how I have upset you. I am not being facetious, if I have offended you I would like to understand how. And I apologise if I have upset you.
Honestly.

[Jo]

I agree with you, women who give up their children for adoption deserve recognition, and consideration, and respect, and most importantly help if they are in situations of danger or crisis.

HOWEVER, Tertia wasn't writing about the birth mother. She was writing on HER blog about HER feelings.

I agree with you on this too - what you wrote was mean!

[Sandy]

With the exception of all the wonderful birthmother's who chose the best path for THEIR children when faced with an unexpectant pregnancy, I have to add that adoption is not BIRTH CONTROL, adoption is not babysitting for 18 years, adoption is about becoming parents and loving, nurturing and caring for a child that will grow up to become a responsible individual.

Adoption is a very difficult process. It has to be earth shattering to place a child into an adoption plan - however adoption is ultimately for the child - While many of us would not be parents were it not for this decision, and most of us will be grateful to birthparents forever, I hardly think that every personal thought people have on adoption, their children, their lives have to be tied with a pat on the back for the birthmother.

We are grateful, we are beyond grateful, but we also carry our own battle scars. Many of us have buried our children (hugs to Tertia) many of us have held our babies in our arms while we softly sing them to sleep forever (Tears for Tertia) - Our pain is no more or no less than yours. The children we "share" with you will hopefully grow up to become powerful individuals with courage and strength -

Remember when you make comments that require a pat on the back, that many of us are holding "YOUR/OUR" children and remembering our own personal pain, and through our tears of joy and happiness can't always remember to blow the horn for you...

[Woodys Girl]

My quote from Tertia's blog is the first one you reference ("...read this 3 times before commenting...").

What you cannot possibly realize is that I am the adoptive mother to two beautiful little girls. Not a MOMENT OF MY LIFE goes by without reflecting in amazement at the miraculous, selfless gift I have been given by two young women! We have relatively "open" adoptions, so have continued communciation with both our girls' birthmothers.

When I say that the emotions are almost "too much" and that the happy ending is for "everyone," I MEAN IT! My husband and I didn't cause either of our girls' birthmothers to be in their circumstance of an unplanned pregnancy. Those courageous young women made the best decision they could FOR THE BABY, at that time in their lives. Did they suffer a loss? YES! Did they grieve? Absolutely! One of them is still struggling with the grieving process to this day (2 years post-adoption), but she is FIRM in her choice to make an adoption plan and does NOT regret how things turned out.

Both birthmothers are loving, compassionate women, who are at peace with their decision of adoption for their babies. Certainly there are birthmothers out there who are NOT at peace with their choice, and for them my heart aches.

While I am overflowing with joy and gratitude each day that I spend watching my girls grow, I am also acutely aware that there are two women out there who are NOT experiencing my same happiness. It is a strange place to be, and I'm not sure the spectrum of emotions involved can be adequately put into words.

I respectfully ask that you rethink your stance on Tertia's lovely, heartfelt post, and reconsider the sentiment behind the comments on her blog. While I don't know for certain, I can hazard a guess that Tertia may not have mentioned the little girl's birthmother in her blog entry simply because she never KNEW the woman! The little girl's mother most likely has the deep appreciate of which I speak, since she IS the recipient of that miraculous gift. From Tertia's standpoint, however, she was only speaking of how things all came together in *her* world.... Adam and Kate being born healthy, and the little girl being *released* so-to-speak to complete an entirely different family.

(sorry for speaking on your behalf, T - I hope I wasn't completely off-base! *blush*)

I hope I have helped to clarify this issue a bit. I've never read your blog before, and don't pretend to know you, but felt I was entitled to comment since you referenced my post on Tertia's site.

Thanks for your understanding in this matter,
Jennifer

[Questions]

I was wondering if you feel the same guilt about the child you aborted, as the one you placed into an adoption plan?

[achromic]

Humm last I looked pain was part of livin' if you want to dwell on it that is your choice. Personally I prefer to look at the positive when it is possible. In this case many lives were impacted in a positive way. We will never know if there was any neg. outcome other then what you wrote. You live the life you are given, but how you look upon that life and what value you give it is all you.

[Melina]

I'm sorry your post didn't elicit a more meaningful discussion. It deserved it.

[Jack]

This is a great blog and an inspiration to those who have been or are considering adoption. Well said...

[www.youtube.Com]

I always used to study post in news papers but now as I am a user of web therefore from now I am using net for posts, thanks to web.