Wet Feet

Not Yet

Since my strategy so far has been to sit around Waiting For It, I decided to switch strategies today. Today I'm Asking For It. I went to a LLL meeting, out to lunch, and later? I'm planning to go to the mall. Alone. I figure I have enough relatives who live in the vicinity of the mall that someone will be able to pick me up if Something Happens. Which it won't. Because nothing ever does.

I've had strong contractions all morning but nothing regular. We'll see. Maybe today. Maybe while I'm getting my hair cut!

Holly Jolly Christmas

Another reason to hope for a boy: I can buy a Santa hat for his little penis. (Scroll down and look to the right.)

Maybe Today?

I'm really regretting the internal. If I hadn't heard that magic 3, I might have been a lot more cheerful this weekend. Next time, I'll really know not to find out.

Now it's Monday and there is very little going on, but more action than yesterday. I think the tension I built up trying to keep the baby IN on Saturday is finally dissapating.

My parents are hovering closely, my dad is sitting right here in my living room, my mom is staying overnights until the baby's born. While it's nice to have them around in case I become incapacitated quickly, it contributes to the Everything's On Hold feeling that makes me so crazy. Plus I start to feel crowded.

I tried three times to write a post for today that had nothing to do with labor. Sorry folks. I wish I were less boring, too.

Somebody, please, DISTRACT ME

Yesterday I felt like I could barely keep this baby in. Today? Nothing. Nada.

I wonder if I accomplished that reverse dilation thing that Ina May Gaskin talks about in Spiritual Midwifery. Wouldn't that be just grand? All sealed up tight as a drum again. That's the way it feels.

Of course I got all invested in a Dec 4th baby (there is some family connection to that date, plus two or three  people (including me) guessed it to be The Day) because I thought when 7 AM rolled around I'd be barely hanging on. I was too uncomfortable to sleep until about 3AM. I finally fell asleep after doing yoga (for the first time this whole pregnancy, so much for plans, huh?) and listening to the Hypbirth CD multiple times, woke up after 7. Now it's Dec 4th...nothing's happening!

Ugh. I'm going to go take a walk in the snow.

El Groucho

Waiting to go into labor reminds me very much of the mindset of the two week wait. Imagine if there were a pee stick test for labor hormones available at your local drugstore or discount website!

I am spending today keeping my legs crossed: the birth center doesn't have coverage from 7PM to 7AM. I am hoping that dwelling on the clausterphobic feeling that the thought of the hospital gives me will keep me from going into labor before the wee hours of tomorrow morning.

Of course, this is all making me very grouchy. I am not fit for company these days. Last night I was up until 2 with contractions and Naomi decided today would be the day she no longer wants to sleep late, she was up at 7:30. If she would take normal naps this wouldn't be so bad.

Fortunately, I have Josh as my emotional punching bag. Not that he likes this very much (who would?). But when you chastise a fully pregnant woman for letting an energetic 3 year old take a sightly longer nap than she should (we're talking 15 minutes "too long", god forbid mommy put her feet up), you deserve it. I could go on and on about how much I hate Josh right now, but let's just chalk it up to hormonal frustration and let it go, shall we?

I need to go clean. Or dance. Or something that puts me in a good mood without encouraging labor.

Naomi is Practicing

Naomi has a baby doll she named Toby (called so after the baby in Labyrinth that won't stop crying, who causes Jennifer Connelly to venture into Lolita territory with David Bowie). Toby comes with us everywhere, Toby gets diapered and nursed and put to bed. Toby is shown how to be gentle and taught how to walk. Of course, Toby is also the ugliest, nakedest doll she has, but he's almost exactly newborn sized, which makes up for his punky messed up hair.

I just came from the MW. I know I told everyone I'm not going to do the internals this time, they made me too crazy last time, blah blah blah I'll just listen to my body. Today, while sitting on the toilet (???) I suddenly changed my mind. So what if the numbers are meaningless red herrings. I still want to know.

"Very ripe" She said. "Almost 3 centimeters. Baby's in a great position, all the way down in the pelvis". Which has never happened before. Naomi and E. were both still floating until transition, pretty much.

So, I don't think it will be much longer. But the numbers could be lying.

Just for the record...

I could have sworn I was going into labor yesterday.

But I'm still here.

Uterus quite relaxed and non-contracty today. The baby feels about ten times bigger than this time last week. I have officially entered the realm of Goddamn Uncomfortable. Can't sleep. Can't eat more than three bites. Can't go an hour without visiting the loo. Nearly uncontrollable urge to tell random people to SHUT.UP.

I'm trying not to get obsessed, really.

Another reason to hope for a boy

Naomi named this baby months ago, back when she made her pronouncement that we are having "a girl baby!" We want to use it. We still haven't figured out how to spell it.

MARE-ee-ah. Marya. Merya. Miria. Mereya.

Naomi will volunteer this name if you talk to her long enough. She's quite wedded to this name, and has never wavered about it. She's told all her teachers, relatives, and random people on the street about her baby sister Mareya. They've all taken guesses as to how to spell it, and no one can come up with a solution to the mispronunciation problem.

Pronunciation is important to me. It would be important to you too if you grew up with a name like Kateri. "Katter-eye?" "Katrina?" "Katolia?" Um, NO. Kuh-TEER-ee.

We've considered dodging the whole question and naming the baby Miriam, which we both really like, and sounds the most similar to Marea. We're worried that Naomi wouldn't make the transition to calling the baby Miriam (so neither would we), and this kid would have a name on her birth certificate that, basically, isn't hers.

Josh's contribution? "How about, if the baby's a boy, we name him Mileaux?" Thanks Josh. You're a big help.

Ready

Today is the date in my last pregnancy that Naomi was born, 38 weeks and 2 days. After today I will be as pregnant as I have ever been. E. was technically born on 38.2 also, but since that pregnancy was so hard to date, it will remain a mystery how pregnant I actually was.

The euphoria is beginning to wear off. My temper is thin and easily snapped. Bad moods blow in and out like summer storms.

I am watching closely for the little signs. A trip to the bathroom is a data gathering expedition, kind of like when I was charting. PlugWatch 2005.

The end finally seems like it could be imminent. I have prodromal labor, which made me so obsessed and miserable last time.  Every ten minutes or so in the evenings I get strong contractions with cervical twinges and this wierd pulling sensation in my upper thighs. This has been going on almsot nightly since Thanksgiving. I don't really mind it. I know it means something is going on down there, and something tells me that the more prodromal labor I have, the easier active labor will be. Don't know if this is fact or fantasy. At this point, I don't care.

I dance every night. I make sure the blinds are shut and I shake this belly like there's no tomorrow. I wish someone would make a prenatal/labor bellydancing video. There's nothing like bellydancing in late pregnancy. Nothing has ever felt so good. How it looks, well, let's just say the only person who will ever see me do it is Naomi. And she thought it was pretty damn hilarious.

I'm ready. The house is ready. Naomi's ready. My slings are aquiver with anticipation.

Had a midwife appointment today

I found out today that I'm GBS+ again. I know they can work around it at the birthing suite but it still adds a layer of complication and urgency to the birth that I wish wasn't there. I means I have to go in earlier to make sure I get a dose of antibiotics so I can't labor at home very long, it also means that I may end up staying on the postpartum floor instead of going straight home to my own bed.

I thought I would be more rattled by this news, but the midwife was very reassuring, and I'm just going ot trust her. It's too late to change anything about my birth "plans". The chips will fall where they may.

I am still thinking of this birth as something that will happen in some distant future instead of, say, tomorrow. Or tonight. I had my first "oh my god is this labor" moment the other day when a contraction literally took my breath away, and then another followed right behind it two minutes later. From what I remember from waiting for Naomi is that I had those moments several times a day for two weeks, so I know I have a long time to go.

I declined the offer to check my cervix today. I remember how crazy those numbers made me last time, and I'm not doing that to myself again. I'd rather just ignore the meaningless numbers and listen to what my body is saying: nothing doing yet, don't hold your breath, it's going to be a little while. If I had heard I was a centimeter dilated and 70% effaced, like I was at this point last time, do you think I'd still listen to my body? No, I'd be sitting here obsessing, expecting every twinge to turn into full blown labor.

The baby has to stay inside until Sunday. We're using this weekend to finalize the preparation of our house. I am also decorating for Christmas this weekend, because I hate a half-assed decorating job, and that's certainly what I will get if I wait until after the baby's born.

Somewhere in my first or second trimester I posted on a message board about my predictions about when the baby would come. My guess was Dec. 4th, mid-afternoon, girl, 7.5-8lbs. That still sounds about right.