What brought me back to this place was the Time Magazine cover, feeding the lactivist fervor that never quite goes away.
Once I was back, I started reading my old posts about breastfeeding and feeling the gulf between who I was and who I am. My girls are both school-age now, and nursing them is a vague (but intense) memory.
Naomi, whose weaning I obsessed over, stayed up until nearly 11 tonight finishing her last (I think) project of third grade. Miriam, who nursed perfunctorily and weaned herself at the continent age of 16 months, recently wrote a hysterical story (with pictures, of course) about an event that happened when she was a toddler (when the cat ran away). They are both so grown up, so *astounding* in their own ways.
And me, I've been unable to write, in the public way I used to. The deluge of all the social media options paralyzes me. I have a thought: do I tweet it, FB it, G+ it, forget it? What? By the time I can decide where it goes and how to get it there, it's gone. To add to that, I am ambivalent about what I want to share. Putting myself "out there" feels much scarier now.
Rereading my old posts, I've remembered the fire and passion that used to spur me to think about how and why I did whatever I did. That level of public self-examinaion has been, for better or worse, absent from my life for the last few years. I find myself suddenly in my mid-thirties, no closer to what I truly want for myself than I was at 29. Further, you could say. Dreams have died. Pragmatism has won the day.
But that's the neat thing about blogging: you can always come back, and blog like it's still 2004 with all your guts splayed out for public consumption. So I'm coming back. Hello, again :)
I knew you would HAVE to say something about it right here, the same place you posted all those photos of your girls nursing (I have links in my blog! and you linked to me too). I'm glad that Time cover pushed you over the edge to share some self-reflective thoughts. I can't stand the other social media tools, blogging is my place in the world, even if it's doomed to disappear in the 140 character fad. BLAH.
I hope you stay a little longer this time. Words (more than a sentence or two) still matter and you have such a good way with words... you should share your words again! :)
Posted by: Lilian | Friday, May 11, 2012 at 01:11 PM
I am always happy to see a post from you!
Posted by: Lynn | Saturday, May 12, 2012 at 07:06 PM
Happy to see you back. Totally agree with many of your points, especially about getting older yet no further...
Posted by: Louise | Sunday, May 13, 2012 at 07:24 AM
I like your guts, baby.
Posted by: Jo | Monday, May 14, 2012 at 02:55 PM
HEYYYYYYYYYY
Welcome back. :)
Posted by: Jo-Ann | Monday, May 14, 2012 at 06:47 PM
"and nursing them is a vague (but intense) memory. "
Lol, that is very well put!
My kids are teens now, but I still talk about breastfeeding them.
I couldn't seem to get my son to stop and I'm still have flashbacks ! NO, not again...lol!
But seriously, it's the most incredible thing, I cherish those moments!
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Bon article. Je pense que vous pouvez écrire plus de produits et de meilleure qualité. Take it easy pour eux-mêmes.
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