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It's not that I don't love you, blog. Of course not. Don't ever get the idea that it's you, this is totally me. All my fault. It's just that I"m a different person than I was when we met, and I've grown to need so many other things. You really haven't grown at all, blog. You are still basically the same as you were in 2004.

Silly breakup metaphors aside, 6 years ago, when you could almost count the number of parenting bloggers on both hands, when an arena existed in which this goofball could be Kind of a Big Deal (hi Jo!). My lifestyle was the absolute opposite: I never left the house after 7PM except in an effort to get a baby to sleep. My mainstay of social contact was through a screen, by way of writing rather than talking. I rarely drank. Maybe one beer. (Guinness helps make milk, you know...) And I never, EVER went anywhere without the baby.

A friend of mine said that the reasons I had as many facebook friends as I do (actually we were talking about Mafia Wars *shame*) is because of my "fake internet persona". I laughed at the kernel (melon?) of truth in that. These days I have very little tolerance for stay at home motherhood, I drink more than is good for me, I don't even bat an eyelash at daycare or joint custody, and most of my social contact comes from grownups who might not even have kids and have never met mine. 

I'd take the whole blog down if it weren't for the links to adoption posts that were pieces of a larger discussion (remember that? when discussions took place between blogs?). If it weren't for texting and facebook I'd hardly be stringing words together at all. My ability to compose anything longer than 140 characters is severely compromised. I hate everything I write, including this post so far.

I can't say right now what kind of resolution this blog identity crisis will come to, if it gets resolved at all. I could take it in another direction, I could abandon it and start fresh somewhere else and blog about hair or something, or I could just continue going long stretches without posting and then feeling guilty whenever I see the bookmark. Maybe you'll get some more drivel three dye jobs from now.

Comments

[Lilian]

Well, I'm glad you're not thinking of simply deleting the blog 'cause it does have lots of very relevant posts on adoption. I learned a whole lot from you on this subject and I'm glad you started blogging. Reading your post and seeing how you've moved on in your life, I feel kinda sad that I'm still stuck with blogging as an important socialization tool in my life... and mothering at the very center. I know that it's temporary, though. Sigh.

And let us know what you decide about blogging here or elsewhere!

[Anne]

Nice to see you - I see that you're still a girl of extremes...

[kateri]

always a girl of extremes, anne, always.

@lilian: come down here and let me do your hair. we can catch up :)

[Jo-Ann]

You must not break up with your blog. You are my blogging rock star

[Casey]

I vote for starting up a super secret sexual adventure blog. Or hair. That's cool, too.

[Melina]

Hair! Any thoughts on whether or not curly hair can ever be cool?

[tk91]

Kateri:
I know this is redundant, but I can't help it! "Ability to compose compromised"-What?!!? You may be the only one to belief this! In my opinion (and judging from your number of readers, I'm not alone) you are one of the BEST READS IN BLOGLAND!!! Even if you take it in a different direction (blogging), I hope you will continue to write when you can!

By the way your blog WAS ONE OF THE FIRST TO VALIDATE MY SANITY when I thought I was going "crazy" as a birthmom...I hope you do not delete the posts pertaining to adoption. I believe the information contained within is and will continue to be relevant for birthmoms everywhere...once they awaken from their "adoption koolaid" induced state to question their reality.

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