conversations with myself
me: hi there.
other me: so what have you been up to?
me:oh, the usual...trying to keep my world from falling apart,
other me: oh the drama...
me: forget duct tape. right now I'm holding everything together with rubber checks and grandiosity. and plans, i have a plan. this one makes a lot more sense than "get discovered, become rich and famous in time to fix the roof".
other me: I'm so tired of hearing about your plans. you're full of them, you know. you're all talk.
me: but this one's a good one! i swear.
other me: okay. one last time, i'll listen.
me: really?
other me: this better be good.
me: i promise. this one might actually work.
other me: i'm not getting any younger...
me: okay! i'm going to cosmetology school!
other me: (long pause) how will you deal with the weightlessness?
me: very funny. my dad already made that joke.
other me: of course he did.
me: I've already been accepted! I'm starting in November!
other me: don't make me go all Grease 2 on you. In a few months we'll all be singing a different tune... "beauty school dropout...who wants their hair done by a slob..." At least this failure will have a funny soundtrack.
me: but really! you know how long I've been cutting my own hair, cutting the hair of other people, blah blah blah. I've been cutting hair since i was old enough to hold scissors and own barbies.
other me: true. you do love to play with sharp shiny things. remember when you were in high school and you used to cut you arms up and drink the blood in an attempt to become an anne rice vampire?
me: diversionary tactics won't work this time. and i love the hair coloring too! when's the last time my hair was the same color for more than a month?
other me: it was last summer right before your cousin got married when you had an itch to do something crazy but held off and kept your hair natural until after the wedding...
me: oh, can it. you know what i mean.
other me: isn't that why you have that weird mole on your scalp that you keep thinking is Merkel cell cancer? all those hair coloring chemicals?
me: oh, right...
other me: i hear hypochondria is on it's way back, you know. just in time for you to die of something real!
me: stop it! hypochondria is a reaction to the stresses I'm enduring as i face the messes I've made with my life and attempt to clean it up! hypochondria is what happens when i try to change! It's my unhealthy sense of fatalism, that now that I'm taking responsibility for my life I'm going to lose it! I'm od-ing on irony! that's all!
other me: you keep telling yourself that.
me: you are totally ruining this for me! i hate you.
other me: that's healthy. go ahead, hate yourself. and you said diversionary tactics won't work this time. ha!
me: you can try to ruin this for me all you want. I'm only writing this so I can ask the local internets if they would please consider accepting a free haircut from me at some point in the next year because i have to provide a certain number of actual people to learn on.
other me: is that the only reason you wrote this you narcissistic attention whore?
me: Actually, no! I'm also writing this because I'm really happy and excited and i wanted to share the news that at some point in the future I'll be making actual money at an actual job that I think I'll be really good at! And i won't be a total fuck up anymore.
other me: you'll always be a total fuckup. Don't kid yourself.
me: seriosuly? do you have to be so predictible? how old are you, 12? if i have to have a devil on my shoulder they better have better put-downs that that.
Oooh! Good luck!
Posted by: Deirdre | Monday, June 23, 2008 at 09:46 AM
As a former cosmetologist, two bits of advice.
1)Take the schooling really seriously (I know you will) but there it a lot crammed into that year. Pay attention. You will have an advantage over my 18 year old self who sometimes was too big of party girl.
2)When you are a hairdresser the best way to build a clientel (how come I can't spell that anymore) is to be fun to come to. I'm not talking crazy, but entertaining and likable. You can have average to above average skills and a good personality and you will be the most popular hairdresser in town.
I know you will do great.
Posted by: Lisa V | Monday, June 23, 2008 at 10:09 AM
Oh, I wiiiiish I lived close to you and you could cut mine. I cut my own hair too, have for, hmm, going on 20 years or so. I ran into a few too many condescending (but incompetent!) hairdressers in my mid-teens.
Pleeeease would you consider writing an article (or several) here for strategies on cutting your own hair? I manage by having a shoulder-length or longer straight haircut, but even then the back is tricky. And you always have such wonderful cuts, I never guessed you did them/some of them yourself. I'm getting tired of my (un-)cut, but still want to retain my independence... ;-)
Posted by: Nancy | Monday, June 23, 2008 at 10:13 AM
I am thrilled for you! And, I really do believe that this is just going to be fabulous.
Am sad that I don't live closer..will you make trips to Pittsburgh?? Heh.
Posted by: Amanda | Monday, June 23, 2008 at 12:43 PM
Onward and upward!! :)
Posted by: JessPond | Monday, June 23, 2008 at 12:53 PM
Its considered one of the best schools in the area for cosmetology. I wish you much success.
Posted by: Kris | Tuesday, June 24, 2008 at 09:32 AM
If you can make me look awesome with a pair of dull fabric shears and three kids running around, I have no qualms about entrusting my head to you in a more formal setting.
And I expect to be a pregnant lady with a blue stripe in her hair, thanks to you.
Posted by: Jo | Tuesday, June 24, 2008 at 02:37 PM
Hooray, Kateri!
That is so awesome! Getting paid, using the artistic/creative part of you, just being OUT there...
Plus, prepare to do some therapy, and use those very developed parts of your brain/heart as well. Did you know that in lots of states hair stylists(can't remember the modern, PC word for the life of me right now) are required to go through domestic violence resource training, because their clients are most likely to tell them the awful truth before a doctor, minister, etc?
Plus, the power to make people feel good in their own bodies... pretty amazing.
Posted by: Sadie | Wednesday, June 25, 2008 at 10:58 PM
Hooray, Kateri!
That is so awesome! Getting paid, using the artistic/creative part of you, just being OUT there...
Plus, prepare to do some therapy, and use those very developed parts of your brain/heart as well. Did you know that in lots of states hair stylists(can't remember the modern, PC word for the life of me right now) are required to go through domestic violence resource training, because their clients are most likely to tell them the awful truth before a doctor, minister, etc?
Plus, the power to make people feel good in their own bodies... pretty amazing.
Posted by: Sadie | Wednesday, June 25, 2008 at 10:59 PM
Sadie, the therapizing parts of being a hairstylist are also really attractive to me. It's part of what I loved about being an LLL leader, hearing the things that women wouldn't tell other people, being able to take their hands and lead them through it, very nice.
Posted by: Kateri | Thursday, June 26, 2008 at 12:20 AM
You could cut my hair anytime. I wish I lived closer!
Posted by: cloudscome | Thursday, June 26, 2008 at 07:12 AM
Wait a minute, Cloudscome *lives* really close, what's she saying ;-)
(speaking of which, I REALLY have to do that "blog friends meet up/ reunion" type thing in my house)
Anyway, I'm another willing candidate, provided you don't do anything too crazy. Well, correct that, I think I can definitely be another of your guinea pigs -- and the good thing is that my hair is completely different from Jo's (curly and fine).
Well, let us know when, where, etc... when the time comes. We'll be your hair models, how cool is that?! What about the coloring? I just did had a nice "balayage" type of highlights done in Brazil and they'll need to be touched up/ redone in the future. Well, maybe next year. I can't wait -- it'll be worth living here for at least one more year just for the fun of having free haircuts! :-)
Posted by: Lilian | Thursday, June 26, 2008 at 03:59 PM
I honestly don't know why people have to have a license to cut hair. Perhaps there will be some worthy instruction, but ultimately I think you can either do it or not. I've had some seriously BAD haircuts from people who completed schooling AND had been cutting hair a very long time (thank GOD I found the Turkish people who mostly use a razor to cut my hair - they seriously rock a haircut if I do say so myself). I would gladly pay you for a haircut today and not for a hamburger you gave me on Tuesday.
Posted by: Sarah | Tuesday, July 15, 2008 at 09:34 PM
CHRISTIANITY@ISTEMPTATION.COM
I AM THE ROPE. Much as the clue they sent with the Holocaust, they use me to scapegoat their societal goals. One day I will be their sacrificial lamb for this abuse, ironically. This is their purpose for me.
All the elements described below contribute to the perception of "savior" and contribute to the concept of Christianity WITH THE LEAST AMONG US!!! Ironically, to end this abuse fom the gods I have to sacrifice my "candidacy". Only then will it stop. Sadly, I suspect they willuse another to continue this "savior" positioning, ensuring these people do not take responsibility for their own relationship with the gods.
However, they have allowed me to try to teach the people in exchange::::
1. Poker and subsequent Bionion murder 1990s as punishment
2. Magic - I am good and why we experience an educational event rather than magic-inspired theater, which is what the Bible is.
When the real thing happens it will "fly under the radar", as we witness here, as opposed to being "celebrated", as in the Bible.
3. Re-write
4. Use the word "temps" - clone hosts "on assignment".
6. Chevron aquisition of troubled Texaco punishment for repression of alternate technologies during 20th century, similar to tobacco industry behavior during the same era.
7. Reno earthquakes for WHAT HAPPENED TO ME DURING THE trips winter '08. THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT ::::Maintaining the perception of "savior" is CRUCIAL to their positioning. Clues like this, clues like boss CAN'T BE TAKEN LITERALLY!!! They are deceptive, designed as figurative, all part of using me as THE ROPE.
In centuries past the use of clone hosts was very limited in number:::Kings, courts, the few wealthy. Now, with the explosion of "entrepeneurial" wealth there are many, many more whom the gods manage.
Consistant with their use of temptation, the gods chose these individuals BASED ON SOME LEGACY OF DISFAVOR, tested them with temptation and, when they failed, reincarnated them. THESE PEOPLE ARE NO LONGER ALIVE!!!! But due to their disfavor the gods CONTINUE TO USE THEM AND THEIR FAMILIES to accomplish destructive goals in our society.
There seems to be an inverse relationship between the two worlds:::Importance on Planet Earth means a lack of significance up there.
This is how the system works. It has confused and corrupted people today and they are failing because of it.
Flanders is on the Simpsons for a reason.
A while back we were examining the Hammer, how people "take" it when they learn the truth. The "empathetic family" are a good example.
They shared the "just let it happen", the "price" of being "dealt" into the Situation. The reality is by voluntarily agreeing to early sexaulization this family unwittingly EXCLUDED the boy FROM ASCENTION.
They fell on their own sword. Expect similar reverse positioning elements to have costed others involved in the Situation.
"This is going to open it up." They’re not the only ones who are positioned as good for appearance's sake. This Situation employs deception extensively.
As far as the incidents they like to "produce" when discussing this Situation these events were contrived as their "defense" with Artificiial Intelligence. If the gods fought this war "freestyle" they'd be getting raped as hard as they did to me to set it all up.
CHRISTIANITY@ISTEMPTATION.COM
1.3.2000. Sad, obsessed bastards. If you didn't CHEAT you'd be losing to me.
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The gods prosititute black children, utilizing temptation to scapegoat the desperate whom seek their approval, creating a celebratory attitude towards prosisution in black popular culture. Before people cry foul understand they do the same to many whites, pushing them into deciding to NOT give it away, only not at such a tender age.
Much like the problem of childhood prostitution in the United States today, the gods too are pimps, and despite their grandiose promises all the victims will ever realize is food and shelter.
"Everybody is going." There is no suchy thing as "everybody":
- "Everybody" isn't wealthy
- "Everybody" doesn't have attractive spouses
- "Everybody" doesn't have a good life.
They are lying to you all.
"He's ruining it." "You ruined it." They just wanted me in a certain environment to see if they could tempt me into evil with their "temps" I speak of below.
"It" was always going to fail. No matter how well I did they were going to push me into failure in the end. The origin of boss is a clue proving this.
Posted by: CHRISTIANITY@ISTEMPTATION.COM | Saturday, August 09, 2008 at 10:09 PM