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Monday, April 28, 2008

Comments

Andrea

See, I just don't get this.

I mean, I'm not exactly a toad in a pink dress either--I don't expect that being a mom would reduce my market value, I just think it's irrelevant. Frances won't be with me, so until someone actually meets me it's none of their business. Just like I think my parents and siblings and friends are none of their business--until I meet them.

I'm not hiding Frances--she typically makes an appearance early on in the first date, conversationally speaking--and I don't think I'm being dishonest. I talk about me. Frances isn't me, and neither is my relationship with Frances. It's a big part of my life, but there are a lot of things that are a big part of my life that don't go in the profile. I don't think of it as "hiding" Frances or "being dishonest"--any more than it's hiding or being dishonest not to mention the wicca, the feminism, etc., which are also really big and IMO really positive parts of my life.

And Jim E is creepy. Just saying. I don't want to be fetishized for my status any more than I want to be demonized for it.

Kateri

I think my profile would look quite different if I had a job, even one I hated and didn't mention much, because then it wouldn't be all kids all the time.

But the truth is, I have no idea if people don't approach me online because I'm a single mother. I just don't date that way.

When I meet people, and they ask me what I do, I say that I'm a mother (sometimes I also say I'm a writer, but then the next question is "what do you write about?" and, well...). And there it is. What else is there to say?

In fact, calling what I do "dating" is kind of pushing it. I meet people mostly at shows and in bars. If I see someone around often enough, we hook up. If I like that enough, *then* we go out on a date. This method pulls from a much different pool of people than online dating. But, my prerogative when I'm kidless is not to go have awkward conversation with a stranger I met online, even if they look like a really cool stranger that I might hit it off with. I go out, blow off steam, have a good time, and I meet people along the way.

Among the people that "date" the way I do, JimE's attitude (whether or not you think it's creepy) is far more common than "I don't date mommies" (which I think is far creepier). And once the information is out there, it fades into irrelevance, just as it should, because there are a million more interesting things to talk about than my single-mom status.

suz

I recognize this profile format. I am on the same site. I have met and dated one great guy from it. Not much action otherwise. I never encountered any issues (pro or con) with being a single mom.
Amused at your fellatio reference.

Andrea

See, I lost my appetite for going out to shows and bars a long, long time ago. My prerogative for my kidless time is not to hang out with a bunch of mostly-kids who are mostly there to get drunk or laid. I would much rather go to a coffee shop and have a tea with a stranger. Usually the conversation is not awkward.

And yes, I think the job thing might be a factor.

And that's just it--I don't want either the "single moms are HOT" guys or the "I don't date mommies" guys. So I leave the mommy out. They respond to me. I suppose if I ever met someone who "doesn't date mommies," that could create an awkward situation, but it hasn't come up.

Besides--this is something I keep trying to get at, and apparently it's not working--I don't tihnk that someone who decides not to message a mommy on a site "doesn't date mommies" necessarily. In my experience--of myself, and of other people met this way--it's a convenient way to spare yourself rejection by finagling the pool of acceptable candidates down to the smallest one possible by any means necessary, including inventing reasons not to be interested in someone. Frankly, I think grammar is the same, though I'm guilty of it. It's easy to imagine that someone who can't spell or punctuate is stupid, uneducated, boring, illiterate, or whatever that triggers for you; but they could also be genuinely intelligent and interesting people who are dyslexic or what have you.

But when you're online, a small thing can be inflated to a whole raft of meanings that are not supported by the data. I feel like I understand that perspective adn I have compassion for people who ... what's the phrase I'm looking for here? Are facing the same demons I'm facing with a different face. Nervous about trying again, finding it easier to reject than be rejected, etc.

Single Mom Seeking

First, thanks for the plug!

Second, your profile rocks! I was caught off guarding, thinking that you could be describing me. Wow. No punctuation is a big turn off. My mind is always churning, and my kid is always catching me writing down little notes so I can remember.

And get this: That Jim E. sent me the EXACT same note, via my blog. Hmmm. Interesting.

P.S. So, where do you meet men? Just curious!

Terrance Harris

Well, now Kateri you have really gone and did it this time! Your good at BJ's (not the wholesale distributer) I've always wanted to know that! Thank you very much for offering such precious information. As you well know I've always been a fan of yous and now I am just flabbergasted! Do you think such a thing is warranted at this particular site? I am not being a prude but wow!

Terrance Harris

Well, now Kateri you have really gone and did it this time! Your good at BJ's (not the wholesale distributer) I've always wanted to know that! Thank you very much for offering such precious information. As you well know I've always been a fan of yous and now I am just flabbergasted! Do you think such a thing is warranted at this particular site? I am not being a prude but wow!

Kateri

terrence, as i recall, this fellatio reference is very small potatoes compared to the kind of raunchy talk you used to belt out at the coffee shop. i wonder why this is more offensive, that i am a mother who referenced having an actual sex life? is that the unseemly part? maddonna-whore much?

really, dude. i *pay* for this space, and i can be as flabbergasting as i choose. and, you know what else? this is not the first time i've written something about sex, or even about blow jobs, but this is the first time i've gotten the "sit down and stop embarrassing yourself, silly woman" kind of feedback.

hear me? i'm snickering.

thanks for reading, though. and say hi to edward for me.

Planet Reverse Positioning::::Your infertility was favor, for the gods were granting you more time i

Planet Reverse Positioning::::Your infertility was favor, for the gods were granting you more time in hope you could get out "before" this obligation forced you to stay.
The Italians bred like rabbits:::That they got "pregnant immediately" illustrated their undesirability.
Your children are the ones with the opportunity now. You must sacrifice to give them the best chance possible.
It's children who go to heaven, not old people.


This is the REAL battle of good and evil:::Me vs. god. Of course I'm trying to help you understand that you are corrupted, fell for temptation and are going the wrong way::::WE are the ones who are evil. (While executing the battle of good and evil the gods do some evil things, like role play their clone host tools to disceive you, forcing thoughts into your head, etc.)
The gods tested us and we have failed, scapegoatting their tools to ensure people never become god-fearing. Learn what I teach and try to uncorrupt yourselves. NOBODY IS GOING TO SAVE YOU!! You have to save yourselves by repairing your relationship with the gods.
Cashier@GSqfamilymemberreincarnated.com


This is how the gods do business:::::They use temptation and deception to compel people to chase something that has already been decided. It's children who go to "beaven". OLd people have to come back. The gods will use their power to contradict this, corrupting people and compelling them to incurr evil::::They used the Italians to ruin life in the 20th century, cost you the Final Prophet and the result will be death as you wait for the Italian Second Coming of Christ to save you.
This is the god's positioning and it IS going to be enforced. Never forget::::The gods have always offered "protection" to those genuinely religious. It is something that was always respected, even in the wicked 20th century.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As people begin to age the gods employ corrupting tactics. They ultimately begin to look down on the children and the wisdom they recently understood:::
They voluntarily turn their back on their opportunity to ascend and instead embrace evil.
It's not old people who go to heaven. Old people must come back because of the mistakes they've made throughout their lives. Children are the ones who have the opportunity to ascend.


Children are discounted by adults in society. The gods corrupt people as they age, use trust-building tactics and soon adults view the children as ignorant, yet to understand the god's system, and subsequently look down on the children. This is one of the most bitter, painful ironies the gods employ, for people consciously turn their back on and lose their opportunity to ascend::::
Religions teach that old people to go to heaven when they die. They don't. Old people are reincarnated. It's the children who go to heaven, those who have a chance at immortality.
The wisdom the gods impart to children, either through their innocence/purity or religious-based educational pursuits are the gods sharing the truth with their most favored people::::It's the children whom the gods teach the right way for it is the children who have a chance. For example, they teach children to have faith, for understanding the god's geographical clues hurts people by illustrating negative things, opening the door for the god's to employ deceptive tactics.
Old people don't go to heaven. Old people must come back because of the mistakes they've made throughout their lives. It's the children who have the opportunity to go to "heaven". They must behave apprioriately, think correctly and be genuinely god-fearing. Their innocence and lack of desensitization ensures they have a real opportunity to achieve this goal.

Kateri

what???

i was going to delete that craziness up there but i changed my mind. it's just too weird.

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