yesterday the little bug i thought was nothing blossomed into a night of sweat and fever for the three of us. naomi's headache got so bad she had blurry vision. her imaginary friend, tenna-coles, told her she might need glasses. in my fretting, i googled her symtoms. my first hit was a cdc page about biological warfare and what symtoms to look for in the event of an attack. yikes.
we are all feeling much better now thanks to a fresh dose of advil.
last night i had one of those dreams when i have illuminating, healing conversations with people who are unreachable in real life. this time is was with e's parents.
in the dream, they came over to my house and let their kids play with my kids and didn't treat me like the shit on the bottom of their shoes or the hand grenade that will blow their beautiful life to bits.
they talked to me like they did before i gave them my firstborn. we laughed. we joked. we were friends who could work through anything. i awoke with my guts churning with betrayal.
"they talked to me like they did before i gave them my firstborn"
Kateri, there is something so heartbreaking about that that I can't explain it to you. I'm sorry.
I wish they could talk to you like that NOW. I don't see why not. It sucks. It really sucks.
Posted by: jesspond | Thursday, March 06, 2008 at 12:34 PM
Yes, what Jesspond said. No words. Heartbreakingly sad.
Posted by: Lilian | Friday, March 07, 2008 at 12:03 AM
i hope that writing about your pain helps. :( i know it helps those of us reading because i will never be as ignorant about adoption and birthmoms as i was before i read your blog.
it is heartbreaking. that is the perfect word. hugs to you.
Posted by: Craphead | Friday, March 07, 2008 at 05:26 PM
Hugs seem so pointless but you know hugs anyway.
Posted by: Wasabi | Sunday, March 09, 2008 at 10:24 AM