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Thursday, February 21, 2008

Comments

Jenna

Ah, better and best. Arguable terms when it comes to the lives that adoptees are supposed to be having in adoptive homes. Sigh.

Meira

Ugh. I am shocked and saddened by some of the responses over there. Just, UGH.

Ashland Avenue

I came over here via one of your responses. Yeah, some truly crappy people felt the need to spread the uninformed hate. (That bitch Kate?! She strikes me as one of those "Won't anyone think about the children?!" kinda people.)

As I said in my comment at the Tribune, I'm an adoptee who has found her birth family. I'm sorry that you're suffering the fools who responded to the article.

jesspond

I agree that adult decisions are adult decisions. I mean, everyone makes decisions in life, right? BUT that doesn't mean people shouldn't be sad about a decision. MAYBE it's even still the RIGHT decision, but it can still cause grief that's valid. Come on, people!

And it's just plain inhumane to say birthmothers' feelings don't matter. ALL the parties' feelings matter!! Holy cow. That sure makes it sound like birthmoms are throw away people, and that's just sick. Sick.

Not all adoptive families are better than the biological family's situation would have been. ESPECIALLY in the case of teen/younger birthparents. It's a shame people are not more supportive in some areas of younger parents. That's what struck me about Juno. I thought...NOBODY thinks MAYBE she might keep the baby? Nobody?

When the dad said, "Juno, someday you'll be back here when it's your turn." it made me so sad. What if she's not? What if she never gets pregnant again? I wanted to tell Juno to think hard about it. Maybe it's the right decision, but who knows...

Our best friend has a daughter who's almost 8. He's 24. And you know what? He and her mom aren't together, but the kid is happy. They are doing a good job with her. And how can one possibly say that's not best? For everyone. Now...that's not possible for EVERY teen. You HAVE to have some support if you're 16. BUT...there needs to be plenty of weight behind biology. Are there other factors? Sure. Do they sometimes trump biology? Sure. But just because someone is young or poor doesn't mean they should give up their child.

In looking back, it makes me glad that Ava's birthfamily wasn't young. That they both had already had children. Because they knew better what they were doing than I feel like a younger family could have.

Ugh. It's just that people are so ignorant on all sides sometimes. I hate it. I hate it a lot. Because ignorance helps no one.

Lilian

There are 54 comments there now and I'm glad I didn't check them and came here instead. I'd be infuriated!! I'm glad you were interviewed, but sorry that you have to endure all this crap for it. Good thing you can respond extremely articulately to their rude and thoughtless comments.

You're getting famous, aren't you? You should write that book...

barb

as usual Kate, you're clear and well spoken. it was a good article.

what continues to confound me is the "birth control" argument... because god knows we're so plainly ignorant. and along those lines, poor and miserable.

Cat

I saw some of those comments - a bunch of heartless, ignorant people. Unbelievable.

I am reunited with my son who had the same view - until he heard my side of things (reunion really good now - 4 years old).

It should be pointed out to some of those idiots that not all "voluntary" adoptions are "voluntary".

In Ontario, if you sign temporary foster care papers for a temporary situation, they can take your child and put them up for adoption without your consent.

That happened to me - no where in the paperwork did the word "adoption" appear.

Taking my son from me because an ex (who was not my son's father by the way) was giving us a hard time with stalking and abuse is hardly fair, is it? I was told to sign or lose my son anyway - apparently it was my fault that my ex was a psycho.

Tell them my story and see what crap they come up with.

BTW, if there is a comeback, you can tell them that the UN has registered me as an adoption fraud victim. They don't do that without proof.

Deb

Pardon, my tear filled eyes here. I'm a 50 something adoptee who was reunited with her birth parents about 15 years ago. Both adoptive parents died several years back, only 6 weeks apart. (I'm still struggling with that one)

My adoptive parents were not the fairy tale parents you read about in books or see in movies, but they did provide a home, education and firm lessons to grow up on and carry with me forever. The biggest lesson, never trust anyone too much.

From the adoptee side, its not all roses and candies,but its not all bad either.

I probably never understood why my birth mom signed adoption papers, until I had my own child and realized just how much strength it takes to raise another human. But, when I was born, it was the 50's and single motherhood wasn't thought of either.

Thank you for your wonderful blog, which I found quite by accident. What a find! I'll be reading this regularly!

Dianna

Your voice is greatly needed. The grief of a birthmother is very real, and very important. It is a loss, plain & simple. It should not be ignored.

Cookie

I was pleased as I was reading the article when I saw your name. From having read your blog, I knew that you would be honest, articulate and candid - and you were.

One comment that I kept seeing that bugged me was "It's just a movie." Movies can influence people, especially young people with limited life experiences. That is why Juno is so disturbing.

I commented with my real name - for some reason it listed me as living in Whittier, CA. No idea where that came from; I live in CA, but not in Whittier.

Kudos to you for such a great job with this article!

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