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Wednesday, January 23, 2008



I had to quit reading the comments after I posted so I wouldn't get SUCKED IN to it all. It's also why i didn't post about it. Thank you for being made of sturdier stuff than I am.


I think you enjoy the drama being a mother who gave her child up for adoption creates. You say I can't possibly know if an adopted person is truly happy, because your automatic base assumption is that they are not. This is a direct result of your own experience; not necessarily a guide book for the rest of the world. Stop adding to the guilt adoptive parents already face; causing them to assume that just because you are unhappy all birth mothers are the same way. That's like saying, "Because I am female and I like the color blue, all women like the color blue. You can say you're not against adoption but it doesn't really hold when everything you write attacks it.


That's right, Kateri, you did it for the attention, didn't you? Now stop making everybody feel guilty! Stop it!

Sigh. Tequila shot. Lime. Onward.

First: "Everybody thinks it's more common than it is, and the myth infuriates the real people behind it." Damn right! (This is coming from the knocked up infertile; it's no less infuriating when it happens to you.)

Second: "'Home Alone' isn't funny to people who were actually neglected as children." <==No, but THAT was funny. To me.


Wow... that post by Cecily was amazing, but the comments? Wow... infuriating! And I just wish the commenter above would take the time to read blogs by adoptees and by other first moms before jumping to conclusions.

Anyway, well said! as usual (I wish you could write here more often, but I'm grateful that Cecily's post motivated you to write). Great movie metaphors, even if a bit funny, like Jo said.

Lisa V

I think you and Nicole have done a great job pointing out that adoption and relinquishment are two seperate acts.

I don't feel guilty children were adopted, mine or anyone else's. I do think as a society we need to look at what we do that leads women to relinquish because they were coerced in one way or another.

Nan, I think you ought to really read what Kateri written rather than generalize or stereotype, as you seem to accuse Kateri of.


But all women do like the color blue. It's science.

BTW, I love you, Kateri.


Before I read your blog, I probably would have seen Juno and enjoyed it without a second thought.

I'm glad you've let me (and so many other people) into your story here. It's not adoption reform, I know, but it sure has educated me to something I otherwise would have been completely unaware of.



Thanks for writing this! As someone who has no experience with adoption in any way, I really appreciate your ability to articulate your views. While it is not your job to educate those of us who are ignorant, reading your words might just help us to be a bit more sensitive and empatheic. Gracias.

Oh and all women DO love blue. I'm pretty sure that's a fact in the library of congress. Duh.


Oooh, the myths make me crazy. Fairy-tale adoptions with everyone smiley and happy all the time...and infertiles getting knocked up easily (I perpetuate this one because I happened to get pg during the birthfamily interview process, and good grief, I'm the last person who enjoys making people believe this crap.)

ANYHOW, though...I think you are right. Sometimes things work out and are lovely for the most part. But EVERY story has some pain. Even biological children often take some pain out of childhood SOMEWHERE. And of course birthparents aren't always 100% satisfied and happy with their decision. That's like saying it's never ok for an adoptive parent to feel sad that they never experienced pregnancy. Things are lost, things are found, and all you can do is hope that in the end everyone comes out sane and alive.


I love the way the whole story turns into the adoptive mother, and how we need stories to alleviate any guilt she feels about adopting a child relinquished by her first mother. Because yeah, the voices of adoptive parents are definitely the ones that have been suppressed in the American conversation about adoption. [Snort.]

I'm just astounded, and I guess I shouldn't be but I am, that the editors of the same sections of the paper that often run the stories about 1960s-era birth moms and their pain about that process, cluelessly ran positive reviews of a movie that basically re-iterates the fairy tale told to those birth moms (and the apparent majority of birth moms after them). Because isn't that what Juno is? The fantasy birth mom that "gets on with her beautiful life" so that the adoptive parents never have to give her a moment's conflicted thought?

It makes you wonder whether anyone has ever heard a single thing any birth mother has ever written about her experience.

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