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Friday, September 07, 2007

Comments

Casey

Good luck tonight.

amy

I'm that mom too. It sucks. It's so hard.

I don't even bat an eye at a mom that ignores her children in the mall. I'm that mom too, now.

Sigh. Aren't we all lucky to be alive, we were those kids once too, you know.

Marjorie

What really stands out to me is that you fell asleep curled up with her. And then, the next day to talk about it with her the way you did--to me, you are teaching her great things about how people get frustrated, people argue, and people make up. She is a phenomenally lucky little girl.

Aimee

*big sigh* I needed to read this today, and the comments, needed to hear I'm not the only mom who loses her shit sometimes. Not the only "good" mother who sometimes can't control her damn mouth. Ugh. Some days are so very very hard.

Sarah

I am so not good at dealing with my kids in the middle of the night. I just don't have patience then. Or even that much patience during the day.

It is so very very hard.

On the topic--what are you going to do with the tooth? In a move, I found my daughter's from last year and I am on the fence. Toss it? Keep it? Ew.

gkk

Don't know that I have ever commented before? Couldn't let this one slide though. I have a 4 year old too and I hear you loud and clear. I remember my sister once saying "never mind the terrible twos, watch out for the fucking fours"... how right she was! Hang in there, and thanks for your honesty.

Jo

You patched over the damage. That's a big thing. Everybody loses her shit sometimes; the bad ones stay staunch in their own perceived righteousness. You're doing well.

Also, don't use this example to justify anything that was done to you as a child. Or after.

Sadie

Kateri,

I haven't commented in awhile(cross country move with a 10 month old), but I really thank you for writing this post.

What does it say about me that sometimes the sound of my not-even- one-year-old making that "whining" sound scrapes my nerves raw? That sometimes it has the effect of styrofoam rubbing on cardboard, and these certain muscles in my upper back clench in response? And I want to tell her to STOP. IT.

I mean, I would get it if we were conversing, etc but I feel so awful a few minutes later when she's for all intents and purposes non-verbal and she's already driving me nuts at times, and in my most wildest, sleep-deprived moments I wish she was an older kid so I could know she's doing it on purpose to push my buttons and then I could be somewhat legitimately pissed about htat.

I read the above over and the guilt just tripled. I've never been inspired towards any kind of violence or anything. I take deep long breaths and have good coping skills, etc, etc, but it's still so shaming to have the feeling htere in the first place.

I think for me the fact that we adopted my daughter makes the shame worse whenever I feel sub-par. We really, really, really wanted her and though she's special needs, she doesn't have any "behaviors" that would require more patience. So I feel like shit when I complain about anything child-related. Or confess to weakness. Because we asked for her. We had to prove ourselves to an extent to get her. It wasn't just that I got pregnant and now here she is and I can commiserate with motherhood, isn't it phenomenal and isn't it exhausting.

So I'm wondering if you also hold yourself to a higher standard with daughters 2 and 3 in general(or higher than you would've anyway, as I'm sure it would've been quite high regardless).

Sadie

Shit. Maybe it's not necessary, but I feel like I need to add that I love my daughter with every single molecule of my being.

That the fact that she's in my life is more and more of a miracle to me every day; that on multiple moments during the course of the day I look at her and get chills up and down my arms and legs because of how beautiful she is.

That I feel incredibly, incredibly honored to be her mother.

I guess at the end of the day... The transcendence... and the nitty gritty... co-exist. And no one in any real relationship is immune to the former.

Kateri

sadie, i took it as a given that you love your daughter with all your soul. somehow, our emotions are expected to flatten out when it comes to our kids, with no room for complicated, conflicted emotions.

and to answer your question, i held myself to an extremely high standard when i first had naomi. i felt like i had a lot to prove. i've chilled on that, though.

there still is that voice in the back of my head sometimes: "they were all right, you know. you're really not cut out for motherhood".

i think we all have that voice sometimes, but when you come to parenthood by way of a rocky, winding path rather thana straight one, that voice can gain too much power.

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