This is a really hard post to write.
I have to wean Naomi. It's just too much. Maybe this feeling will pass. Maybe, then, it will come back even stronger.
All of a sudden, it's like she doesn't fit in my lap anymore.
About two weeks ago I had to make a three times a day rule. Morning, after nap, and bedtime. Most days it's fine. Some days she needles me for "snackies" until my patience is gone.
I know I can't stop her from needing me. I have to help her be comforted another way, preferably some way that I have an arm free to care for her sister, some way that doesn't suck the energy and patience out of me.
I never wanted to wean her this way, out of frustration from being at the end of my rope too often. I hate that I'm even considering it. But when she nurses I feel like I want her OFF ME.
I imagine I feel the same as a mother dog when she pushes her pups away to wean them. I know that nursing agitation is a natural component of the weaning dance, it's a built-in signal for the mother to cut back. This is why I don't believe that child-led weaning is necessarily the most "natural" way to wean.
I want this to be a positive rite of passage for her. She may remember it, so I don't want it to be fraught with insecurities and negative feelings. It's going to be bad enough as it is.
Today I planted a seed: I told her that when she stops nursing I'll take her to get "special little holes" in her ears, which she has wanted forever. Then we'll have a party. I might even make her a boob cake. (I wanted to link to a picture of a boob cake, but I couldn't find out without a leering man wagging his tounge at it, so you'll just have to use your imagination).