Woohoo! I’m pregnant!
I feel so lucky, I feel like I dodged a bullet. Actually, it doesn’t quite feel real yet. I went out and ordered my usual triple cappuccino and drank half of it before it occurred to me that maybe I should switch to decaf now that I’m pregnant.
Switching to decaf tomorrow.
I am so relieved that it was easy again. I won’t lie, there’s some fertile guilt here too. Delicious leftovers from the days when I was pregnant with Ellie and everybody made it their business to tell me how many people they know who would be wonderful parents if they could only have children. And don’t they deserve a break, after the long hard road of infertility?
Fertile guilt got in the way of my enjoyment of my last pregnancy. I spend the entire first trimester apologizing for getting pregnant so easily and trying to not celebrate too joyously. About midway through I said, “fuck it, this is my pregnnacy, I’m going to enjoy it. I don’t owe anything else to infetile people. I gave my firstborn to the cause. That should be enough”